A Humble and Charitable Manner

In his Autobiography, Benjamin Franklin provides an excellent example of a humble and charitable manner:
"I made it a rule to forbear all direct contradiction to the sentiments of others, and all positive assertion of my own. I even forbid myself, agreeably to the old laws of our Junto, the use of every word or expression in the language that imported a fix'd opinion, such as certainly, undoubtedly, etc., and I adopted, instead of them, I conceive, I apprehend, or I imagine a thing to be so or so; or it so appears to me at present. When another asserted something that I thought an error, I deny'd myself the pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing immediately some absurdity in his proposition; and in answering I began by observing that in certain cases or circumstances his opinion would be right, but in the present case there appear'd or seem'd to me some difference, etc. I soon found the advantage of this change in my manner; the conversations I engag'd in went on more pleasantly. The modest way in which I propos'd my opinions procur'd them a readier reception and less contradiction; I had less mortification when I was found to be in the wrong, and I more easily prevail'd with others to give up their mistakes and join with me when I happened to be in the right.
And to this habit (after my character of integrity) I think it principally owing that I had early so much weight with my fellow-citizens when I proposed new institutions, or alterations in the old, and so much influence in public councils when I became a member;"
By adopting a humble approach, we, like Franklin, will have more weight with our fellow-citizens and more success when we seek influence in our society.

Root Beer Connoisseur

As I bought a Health Valley All Natural Herb & Root Sarsaparilla Root Beer today in the organic section of Harmons, I had a flashback to my first Christmas in Guatemala, which my companion and I shared with a missionary couple.
I was impressed with how cultured the Elder was in regards to root beer. He had made a special effort to find some imported root beer (very rare in Guate) for Christmas. He chilled the glasses and had a practiced pouring technique, an opening technique, and a tasting technique. His loving wife hero-ized (certainly not 'idol'-ized) him and supported this behavior -- I'm sure this is because she is a loving wife, not because she believes root-beer connoiseurity is required to gain exaltation :).
Root beer was so valuable, that when the top of my bottle broke as the Elder opened it - with his special opening technique - getting bits of shattered glass inside, he didn't throw it away. Instead, he got a handkerchief and slowly and painstakingly filtered the root beer into my glass.
So, to honor this Elder and his wife, whose names I sadly have forgotten, I offer the following link to a site with reviews and ratings of over 58 different rootbeers, (59 to be exact) by a man who cares more about root beer than I do... http://www.root-beer.info/brews/brewmain.html

(Edit: 2009-01-09. Since I guess I'm gonna revive my blog, I was reading some old entries. I see that the link to the Root Beer Connoisseur is dead. So, here's the Archive.Org link. http://web.archive.org/web/20050725073357/http://www.root-beer.info/brews/brewmain.html)

Thou shalt not embarass others

Torah Portion Vayetzei (Genesis 28:10-32:3) The Greatest Achievement

In this week's Parsha, it's time for Jacob to get married, so he sets off to Uncle Laban's house to find a wife. When Jacob arrives and meets his cousin Rachel, he decides that this is the one for him! Jacob is so enthralled with the shidduch ("match"), that he agrees to work for Uncle Laban a full seven years before earning the right to marry Rachel. In fact, the Torah reports that Jacob's excitement was so great that the seven years "seemed to him like only a few days" (Genesis 29:20).

The appointed day finally arrives, and Laban invites the entire town to the wedding festivities. Everyone is celebrating. Everyone except for Rachel's older sister Leah, who has remained single with her fate undecided. Jacob, not known to be naive (recall how he cleverly wrested the birthright away from his brother Esau), suspects that Laban might covertly try to marry off his older daughter Leah that night instead!

Since the bride wears a veil covering her face, Jacob arranges a "secret password" - in order to guarantee that it will in fact be his beloved Rachel under the Chuppah!

So what happens? Hundreds of guests have arrived. The caterer, band and photographer are all ready and positioned. Jacob stands expectantly under the Chuppah and ... here comes the bride! Because she is veiled, nobody knows that Laban had pulled the old switcheroo - and it's really Leah at the Chuppah!

So what would we expect to happen next? When the bride arrives under the Chuppah, Jacob would turn to her and say, "OK, tell me the secret password." And Leah stands there dumbfounded. The ruse is confirmed! Jacob lifts the veil and reveals Laban's deceit. The crowd gasps. Disgraced, Leah runs from the room crying.

But that's not the way it worked out. Instead, when Leah arrived under the Chuppah, she gave the correct password. Why? Because Rachel told her sister what to say. Rachel knew what a terrible embarrassment Leah would suffer if the ruse were to be revealed at that moment. So in order to spare her sister embarrassment, Rachel was actually willing to give up the husband for whom she'd waited patiently for seven years! (see Talmud, Megillah 13b)

Imagine yourself engaged to be married, but due to circumstances you must schedule the wedding seven years in advance. Finally the great day arrives. Could anything stop you from going through with it? Would you consider giving it all up to spare another human being from humiliation!?

Rachel achieved greatness because she was willing to do just that.

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BIBLICAL ETHICS

The Torah has built-in laws to safeguard the principle of not embarrassing anyone:

• Offerings brought for serious transgressions are processed in the same location in the Temple as other offerings. The Talmud (Sotah 32b) explains that in this way, onlookers are not able to specifically identify those who are bringing sin offerings (Leviticus 6:18).
  
  
• Similarly, when a person confesses his sins (as we do on Yom Kippur), it should be done in a way that is not audible to others.
  
  
• In the laws of damages, one person can sue another not only for physical damages, but for emotional distress as well - and specifically for the pain of embarrassment! (see Maimonides, Laws of Damages 3:1, 3:7)
  
  
• Maimonides, in listing the levels of charity, says one of the highest degrees is when neither the giver or the receiver knows each other's identity. This minimizes any embarrassment the poor person may feel.
  
  
• In the story of Bilaam and his talking donkey, an angel slays the donkey. Why? So that people wouldn't point to the donkey and say, "That's what caused Bilaam's downfall" - a continuing source of embarrassment to Bilaam. The Torah even demands sensitivity to an evil person! (Numbers 22:33 with Rashi, Midrash Bamidbar Rabba).
  
  
• When an individual is called up to the Torah for an Aliyah, the law is that he should publicly chant the verses himself. However, since many are unable to read properly, the Sages mandated that one person be appointed to read for everyone, in order to avoid embarrassment for those who cannot read for themselves.
  
  
• The Talmud goes so far as to say that embarrassing another publicly is comparable to murder. This is because when someone blushes, blood first rushes to the spot, causing the face to turn red, and then the blood drains, causing the face to turn white. "Draining another's blood" is an act which resembles murder. On a deeper level, embarrassment can "kill" a person emotionally.